I am pretty sure you have heard of the acronym ‘PEEL’.
The infamous PEEL, also known as ‘Point, Elaborate, Example, Link’ or some other variation of it, is introduced in schools as a guide for students to write their body paragraphs.
Now, the acronym itself is fine and dandy, but that gives very little information to students who are new at writing essays – resulting in a bunch of students who are left none the wiser with regards to the writing process and understanding of their writing errors in the paragraphs.
Students often lament or express confusion over their low essay grades or the countless of errors indicated in their writing.
They might say things like "I followed the 'PEEL' that my teacher had taught me, and I don't understand why I am failing/ only passing by the skin of my teeth."
As such, I will attempt to highlight the common problems that students commit in their writing. While I call them 'common problems', most of these common problems cripples the students' writing and seriously affects their essay grades.
Analogy alert
If the introduction is thought to be the head of a human, each paragraph is thought to be the outfit that the human wears. I am going to use this analogy throughout the entire article.
Note
All examples used in this page are writings done by students.
The infamous PEEL, also known as ‘Point, Elaborate, Example, Link’ or some other variation of it, is introduced in schools as a guide for students to write their body paragraphs.
Now, the acronym itself is fine and dandy, but that gives very little information to students who are new at writing essays – resulting in a bunch of students who are left none the wiser with regards to the writing process and understanding of their writing errors in the paragraphs.
Students often lament or express confusion over their low essay grades or the countless of errors indicated in their writing.
They might say things like "I followed the 'PEEL' that my teacher had taught me, and I don't understand why I am failing/ only passing by the skin of my teeth."
As such, I will attempt to highlight the common problems that students commit in their writing. While I call them 'common problems', most of these common problems cripples the students' writing and seriously affects their essay grades.
Analogy alert
If the introduction is thought to be the head of a human, each paragraph is thought to be the outfit that the human wears. I am going to use this analogy throughout the entire article.
Note
All examples used in this page are writings done by students.
TYPES OF COMMON PROBLEMS IN EXPOSITORY WRITING (PARAGRAPH BODY) | |
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Common problem | Category of problems |
1. Elaboration woes | a. Incomplete elaboration b. Weak elaboration c. Absolutely no elaboration d. Using examples as a compensatory strategy |
2. Using weak examples | |
3. Improper positioning | a. Using examples as the main point b. Using elaborations as the main point c. Inserting the main point as the paragraph conclusion |
4. Poor expression | |
5. Linking woes | a. Inability to link sentences together (technical) b. Broken flow of ideas - incoherence in explanation |
6. Weak / illogical points and elaboration |
COMMON PROBLEM 1: ELABORATION WOES
a) Incomplete elaboration
a) Incomplete elaboration
An incomplete elaboration akin to a person merely wearing the sleeves and neckline of the shirt as there was not enough cloth to complete the entire length of the shirt. An incomplete elaboration leaves the reader hanging as the elaboration is not thoroughly explained.
Example 1: Incomplete elaboration |
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Question: What is the disadvantage of allowing students to use technologies in their studies? |
Components of 'PEEL' | Associated sentences |
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Point | The disadvantage is that technology is a distraction to many students. |
Elaboration | Students who use technology in their studies may be distracted and will use the technology for other purposes instead. |
Example | For instance, students may use their phones to check their social media profiles instead of using it to check for the meaning of words. |
Link | Therefore, the use of technology is a distraction to many individuals. |
As mentioned earlier, the elaboration in example 1 is not thoroughly explained and leaves many gaps in the elaboration.
The idea is to avoid being too vague (nor too detailed) in the explanation, all while addressing all possible consequences, clarifying points that are not elaborated and providing justifications (reasons behind why something had happened).
IMPORTANT: Please click here for an example of a paragraph that is thoroughly explained and elaborated through questioning techniques.
- Why would the students be distracted?
- What other purposes would the technology be used for?
- So what if students were to use the technology for other purposes?
- What kind of technology are you referring to?
The idea is to avoid being too vague (nor too detailed) in the explanation, all while addressing all possible consequences, clarifying points that are not elaborated and providing justifications (reasons behind why something had happened).
IMPORTANT: Please click here for an example of a paragraph that is thoroughly explained and elaborated through questioning techniques.
b) Weak elaboration
A weak elaboration akin to a person who wears a proper shirt, but the shirt is made with such low quality cloth and shoddy workmanship that the threads of the cloth run loose prematurely and the shirt disintegrates into scraps of cloth just a couple of times in the wash.
A reader is able to find flaws in the reasoning or assumptions made by the student. Please refer to 'Common problem 6 - Weak or illogical - of main points, elaboration and examples' for more details.
A reader is able to find flaws in the reasoning or assumptions made by the student. Please refer to 'Common problem 6 - Weak or illogical - of main points, elaboration and examples' for more details.
Example 2: Weak Elaboration | |
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Question: What is the disadvantage of allowing students to use technology in their studies? |
Components of 'PEEL' | Associated sentences |
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Point | The disadvantage is that it is a distraction to many individuals. |
Elaboration | I feel that it is hard to put away my phone when I am studying. I find it addictive. I easily get hooked on to my phone. Especially when I receive a message from a friend. I find it hard to resist the temptation to use my phone. Whenever I do so, I lose focus on my task and decide not to do my work.I feel that it is hard to put away my phone when I am studying. I find it addictive. I easily get hooked on to my phone. Especially when I receive a message from a friend. I find it hard to resist the temptation to use my phone. Whenever I do so, I lose focus on my task and decide not to do my work. |
Example | - |
Link | Therefore, it is a source of distraction to many. |
Other problems with this paragraph: - Issues with expression and sentence structure - No example |
Comments on the elaboration |
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This elaboration is weak due to the following reasons: 1.Too micro-level - basically too,insignificant to be worth generalising – as the student is only talking about,his or her own experience, and not the wider student population as a whole. 2.Citing a student’s experience in the elaboration,blurs the line between an elaboration and an example. Trick to remedy point 1 and 2:,Change ‘I’ to ‘students’ in an attempt to generalise (though it does not improve the quality of the elaboration). However, this opens a new can of worms. Please refer to point 3 below. 3.There are flaws in the student’s assumptions and,reasoning process. For instance:“I easily get hooked on my phone.”If the student were to defend his or her elaboration, the student would end up being backed into a corner. Should the word ‘I’ be substituted with ‘students’,it will mean that ‘Students easily get,hooked on to their phones.’ or in an improved syntax –‘Students,get hooked on to their phones easily.’This assumption is flawed as not all students get,hooked on to their phones easily. Should the student persist with the original,sentence of ‘I easily get hooked on to,my phone.’, then the student would have committed another flaw (that was,stated in point 1 above) – the elaboration that was put forward is too insignificant and is not representative of the larger student population. Either way, the elaboration is deemed as a weak elaboration. |
c) Absolutely no elaboration
Said person does not wear a top at all – that’s really indecent for a female.
There are students who face immense difficulty with elaboration as they feel that the single sentence – or two – that is written seems to encompass the entirety of the point that they were trying to make in their essay. They perceive their written points to be so self-explanatory that attempts at asking them to further explain their points are met with blank stare or utter confusion.
As such, their essays are extremely short and each paragraph probably comprises a sentence or two.
There are students who face immense difficulty with elaboration as they feel that the single sentence – or two – that is written seems to encompass the entirety of the point that they were trying to make in their essay. They perceive their written points to be so self-explanatory that attempts at asking them to further explain their points are met with blank stare or utter confusion.
As such, their essays are extremely short and each paragraph probably comprises a sentence or two.
Example 3: Absolutely no elaboration (or examples and link) due to self-explanatory nature of the main point |
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Question: What are the advantages of having tuition? |
Components of ‘PEEL’ | Associated Sentences |
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Point | One of the advantages of having tuition is that the tuition teacher can teach things that have not been taught before in school which means you will be able to do work that is not taught in school yet. |
Elaboration | - |
Example | - |
Link | - |
d) Using examples as a compensatory strategy
At times, the student would write a long example to compensate for the lack of elaboration or explain using their personal experiences, but are aware that personal experiences usually count as an example.
Example 4: Using examples as a compensatory strategy |
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Question: What are the advantages and disadvantages of electronic devices for teenagers? |
Components of 'PEEL' | Associated sentences |
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Point | The disadvantage is that it is a distraction to many individuals. |
Elaboration | - |
Example | For example, even I feel that it is hard to put away my phone when I a studying. I find it addictive. I easily get hooked on to my phone. Especially when I receive a message from a friend. I find it hard to resist the temptation to use my phone. Whenever I do so, I lose focus on my task and decide not to do my work. |
Link | Therefore, it is a source of distraction to many. |
Extra
Example 4 may look very similar to you. That is because example 4 is almost a replica of example 2 - weak elaboration. All it took was the inclusion of the words 'For example' for the elaboration in example 2 to become an example.
Example 4 demonstrates what was mentioned earlier in example 2 - the blurred distinction between elaboration and examples. Content that can be confused to be either an elaboration and example weakens the paragraph
Ideally, the elaboration and example should have a distinct content One easy litmus test is to include the words 'For example' to the elaboration, the newly transformed example would be seen as an awkward - that it is better off as an elaboration. That is when that the student may have some indication that the elaboration is acceptable [Of course, it is provided that the student does not commit the other errors.]
To illustrate this simple test, let us refer to example 1 again. This time, I have exchanged the elaboration and example.
Example 4 may look very similar to you. That is because example 4 is almost a replica of example 2 - weak elaboration. All it took was the inclusion of the words 'For example' for the elaboration in example 2 to become an example.
Example 4 demonstrates what was mentioned earlier in example 2 - the blurred distinction between elaboration and examples. Content that can be confused to be either an elaboration and example weakens the paragraph
Ideally, the elaboration and example should have a distinct content One easy litmus test is to include the words 'For example' to the elaboration, the newly transformed example would be seen as an awkward - that it is better off as an elaboration. That is when that the student may have some indication that the elaboration is acceptable [Of course, it is provided that the student does not commit the other errors.]
To illustrate this simple test, let us refer to example 1 again. This time, I have exchanged the elaboration and example.
Example 5: Test of the interchangeability of the elaboration and example | |
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Components of 'PEEL' | Associated sentences |
Point | The disadvantage is that technology is a distraction to many students. |
Elaboration | Students may use their phones to check their social media profiles instead of using it to check for the meaning of the words. |
Example | For example, students who use technology in their studies may be distracted and will use the technology for other purposes instead. |
Link | Therefore, the use of technology is a distraction to many individuals. |
It is obvious that the newly minted example and elaboration do not read well. An elaboration is meant to provide a more generalised overview of the point that the student is trying to make, while an example is to narrow down into a specific phenomena that is characteristic of the general population that is mentioned in the essay. As such, the original elaboration and example is begrudgingly passable*.
*As mentioned earlier, example 1 committed another error and prevented it from becoming a quality paragraph.
That being said, many students are unable to distinguish between an elaboration and example - that is why 'Common problem 1b' exists.
*As mentioned earlier, example 1 committed another error and prevented it from becoming a quality paragraph.
That being said, many students are unable to distinguish between an elaboration and example - that is why 'Common problem 1b' exists.
COMMON PROBLEM 2: USING WEAK EXAMPLES
Recall that a paragraph body is the equivalent of the attire that an individual is wearing. The more well written your paragraph, the more impressive or stunning that individual’s outfit will be.
Let us imagine that an individual wears with an absolutely jaw-dropping top as the main points and elaboration starts out strong. All of a sudden, a really bad example is introduced and the individual wears a revolting looking belt that clashes with the top. Or it could be that someone had spilt drinks onto the individual’s shirt and an ugly stain marrs the shirt.
Whatever it is, the belt or stain is an utter eyesore.
The same applies to paragraphs with weak examples. Using a weak example actually weakens your essay. [That being said, a weak elaboration is usually more serious than a weak example.]
Weak examples usually stem from a student who:
(1) does not read enough
(2) includes his or her own personal examples
(3) includes an irrelevant example that does not support the main point of the paragraph
(4) exhibits flaws in reasoning or assumptions
(5) does not use an example to reflect - that is representative of - the overall situation (see 'Common problem 6: Weak or illogical - of main points, arguments and examples)
(6) includes an example with the wrong facts or information
Let us imagine that an individual wears with an absolutely jaw-dropping top as the main points and elaboration starts out strong. All of a sudden, a really bad example is introduced and the individual wears a revolting looking belt that clashes with the top. Or it could be that someone had spilt drinks onto the individual’s shirt and an ugly stain marrs the shirt.
Whatever it is, the belt or stain is an utter eyesore.
The same applies to paragraphs with weak examples. Using a weak example actually weakens your essay. [That being said, a weak elaboration is usually more serious than a weak example.]
Weak examples usually stem from a student who:
(1) does not read enough
(2) includes his or her own personal examples
(3) includes an irrelevant example that does not support the main point of the paragraph
(4) exhibits flaws in reasoning or assumptions
(5) does not use an example to reflect - that is representative of - the overall situation (see 'Common problem 6: Weak or illogical - of main points, arguments and examples)
(6) includes an example with the wrong facts or information
Example 6: Weak example |
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Question: What are the advantages of having tuition? |
Components of ‘PEEL’ | Associated sentences |
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Point | One of the advantages of having tuition is to learn concepts in advance. |
Elaboration | The tuition teacher can teach things that have not been taught before in school which means you will be able to do work that is not taught in school yet. |
Example | For example, my tuition teacher taught me a concept that my school teacher had not taught me yet. When my school teacher taught me the concept, I understood it and scored well in my test. |
Link | Therefore, one of the advantages of having tuition is to learn concepts in advance. |
Other problems with this paragraph: -Weak main point -Weak elaboration |
Comments on the example |
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This is not an irrelevant example as it directly answers the question of the advantages of having tuition. However, it is a weak example as the student includes his or her own personal examples that is not representative of the population and made wrong assumptions. For instance, while the student was able to score well in the test due to the prior learning of concepts taught by the tuition teacher and not the school, the same could not be said for another student.,Perhaps, another student would not be able to do well in his or her test. Perhaps, another student would be able to score well even without prior learning. The student seems to make an assumption that only through prior learning with tuition teachers would students be able to attempt work that has not been taught in school...[I also wonder if generally, schools would give students work or tests that includes concepts that have not be taught by the school teachers.] |
Sometimes, the example seems to be a repeat of the elaboration.
Example 7: An example that resembles an elaboration | |
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Components of 'PEEL' | Associated sentences |
Point | The disadvantage of being popular is that people might make assumptions about you. |
Elaboration | Sometimes, people may get the wrong idea about you and start to judge you, insult you and defame your identity and also say things out of jealousy. |
Example | For example, sometimes people may have some misunderstanding with you and tend to say mean things such as untrue things that defame your identity and cause disputes and rumours. |
Link | Therefore, the disadvantage of being popular is that misunderstandings may occur. |
Solution: If you have a strong point and elaboration, and are aware that you are about to write an example that is not strong, please omit the example. Belts – well women’s belts - are used to enhance the appearance of an outfit. You can do without it if it serves to marr your outfit instead.
If your points or elaboration is not strong (or non-existent), then… just include your weak example out of necessity with the knowledge that it does little to improve your essay score. The quality - not quantity - of your writing determines your marks.
EXCEPTION: At times, students are able to get away with weak main points, elaboration or examples. Please click here to see the difference in expository essay grading schemes between N(A) and Express students.
If your points or elaboration is not strong (or non-existent), then… just include your weak example out of necessity with the knowledge that it does little to improve your essay score. The quality - not quantity - of your writing determines your marks.
EXCEPTION: At times, students are able to get away with weak main points, elaboration or examples. Please click here to see the difference in expository essay grading schemes between N(A) and Express students.
COMMON PROBLEM 3: IMPROPER POSITIONING
a) Using examples as the main point
a) Using examples as the main point
This time, the revolting belt that said individual sported in the previous section (common problem 2) is hung around that individual’s neck like an eyesore. It may be a very strong example that the student is giving and the belt transforms into a diamond-studded stunner, but it still does not change the fact the belt is in an inappropriate position.
Example 8: Using examples as the main point |
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Question: What is the disadvantage of being popular? |
Components of 'PEEL' | Associated sentences |
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Point | The disadvantage of being popular is that sometimes my classmates may get the wrong idea about me and may say things out of jealousy. |
Elaboration | They may have some misunderstanding and spread rumours about my personal life. Their rumours will affect my public image. |
Example | For example, my friend Mary was jealous of my popularity and started to spread rumours about me. My classmates thought that the rumours were true and began to distance themselves away from me. I felt very sad. |
Link | - |
Other problems: - Weak main point - Weak elaboration - Incomplete elaboration - Weak example - Poor expression |
The main point and elaboration should be written with more objectivity, and first-person pronouns (e.g. 'I' or 'my') and personal experiences should be relegated to the example.
This is a pretty interesting example where it is not easy to see from the point of a newbie writer that the point is an example.
It was mentioned earlier that a paragraph weakens when there is little content distinction between the elaboration and example.
This example is even weaker as there seems to be no clear distinction between the main point, elaboration and example. There is so much content ambiguity among the three components. From my perspective, I feel that all three components are examples or extension of the example. Some may feel that the main point should be part of the elaboration.
This happens frequently when students do not have enough general knowledge and uses their daily experiences - that may not very significant, really - as their main points and elaboration in their expository essays.
As a measure of last resort: If the student has little general knowledge and is forced to use his or her experiences to write - lest they have nothing to write about - in their writing, the student should, at the very least, maintain more 'objectivity' in the point and elaboration, and leave words like 'my' and 'I' , and personal experiences to the example component.
*Note: Ideally, the student should not include the first-person (e.g. 'my'), second-person pronoun or personal examples/experiences in their writing.
This is a pretty interesting example where it is not easy to see from the point of a newbie writer that the point is an example.
It was mentioned earlier that a paragraph weakens when there is little content distinction between the elaboration and example.
This example is even weaker as there seems to be no clear distinction between the main point, elaboration and example. There is so much content ambiguity among the three components. From my perspective, I feel that all three components are examples or extension of the example. Some may feel that the main point should be part of the elaboration.
This happens frequently when students do not have enough general knowledge and uses their daily experiences - that may not very significant, really - as their main points and elaboration in their expository essays.
As a measure of last resort: If the student has little general knowledge and is forced to use his or her experiences to write - lest they have nothing to write about - in their writing, the student should, at the very least, maintain more 'objectivity' in the point and elaboration, and leave words like 'my' and 'I' , and personal experiences to the example component.
*Note: Ideally, the student should not include the first-person (e.g. 'my'), second-person pronoun or personal examples/experiences in their writing.
Example 9: Creating content distinction between the point & elaboration and the example [bare minimum] | |
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Components of 'PEEL' | Associated sentences |
Point | The disadvantage of being popular is that sometimes people may get the wrong idea about the popular individual and may say things out of jealousy. |
Elaboration | They may have some misunderstanding and spread rumours about the popular individual that affects his or her public image. |
Example | For example, my friend Mary was jealous of my popularity and started to spread rumours about me. My classmates thought that the rumours were true and began to distance themselves away from me. I felt very sad. |
Link | - |
b) Using elaborations as the main point
Another variation is when they use their elaboration in the main point. Basically, the main point and elaboration are merged into one.
Example 10: Using the elaboration as the main point | |
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Components of 'PEEL' | Associated sentences |
Point | The disadvantage of being popular is that sometimes people may get the wrong idea about you and start to judge you, insult you and defame your identity and also say things out of jealousy. |
Elaboration | - |
Example | For example, sometimes people may have some misunderstanding with you and tend to say mean things such as untrue things that defame your identity and cause disputes and rumours. |
Link | Therefore, the disadvantage of being popular is that misunderstandings may occur. |
c) Inserting the main point as the paragraph conclusion
(the last sentence of the paragraph)
(the last sentence of the paragraph)
Horrors of horrors, the main point is in the wrong section of the paragraph.
Students tend to write according to the way they reason in their heads. hey may proceed to think in accordance to an action leading to another action, which ultimately leads to an main disadvantage/advantage.
As such, such students proceed to explain in the first sentence and what seems to be the main point ends up in the last sentence, which is supposed to be the link.
Students tend to write according to the way they reason in their heads. hey may proceed to think in accordance to an action leading to another action, which ultimately leads to an main disadvantage/advantage.
As such, such students proceed to explain in the first sentence and what seems to be the main point ends up in the last sentence, which is supposed to be the link.
Example 11: Placing the main point at the end of the paragraph | |
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Components of 'PEEL' | Associated sentences |
Point | The disadvantage of being popular is that you may worry about your popularity like if one day if your popularity ends, you worry about not having friends and you worry about what people think about you. |
Elaboration | As you may not feel comfortable being alone as last time when you were popular, you had friends. |
Example | - |
Link | Therefore, the disadvantage is that you worry about your fame. |
COMMON PROBLEM 4: POOR EXPRESSION
UNDER CONSTRUCTION
COMMON PROBLEM 5: LINKING WOES
a) Inability to link sentences together (technical)
a) Inability to link sentences together (technical)
At times, students may have some idea of what to write, but they do not have the linguistic expressions - basically, the right words -to relate each sentence to the next. As a result, the paragraph seems to be a pretty choppy read and does not flow seamlessly.
Example 12: Inability to link sentences together (technical) |
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Question: What is the advantage of allowing students to go on field trips. |
Components of 'PEEL' |
Associated sentences |
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Point | Students are distracted with their hand phones when they study. |
Elaboration | Students may need to use their hand phones when they study. They cannot study properly after using their hand phones. They become addicted to their hand phones. They check their social media profiles or constantly message their friends. |
Example | - |
Link | - |
Other problems: -Poor expression -Weak elaboration -Incomplete elaboration |
b) Broken flow of ideas - incoherence in explanation
A broken flow of ideas surfaces when each sentence does not link to the next sentence in terms of content and reasoning. This problem is more difficult to tackle as compared to the inability to link sentences together (technical).
Example 13: Broken flow of ideas |
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Question: What lessons are learnt from the world's fight against terror? |
Components of 'PEEL' |
Associated sentences |
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Point | Countries are seen to be standing side by side one another during terrorist threats and bombings, rendering help and aid to whichever country affected. |
Elaboration | This not only helps the country to rebuild its fundamental structures,but it also aids in other countries to quickly bounce back up economically. |
Example | This can be seen very illustriously from the September 11 attack on the World Trade Centre. Following the attack, the stock market plummeted and the world went into a semi-recession, affecting everyone. |
Link | From this, we can learn that in everything we do, we ought to learn to help one another out as you never know when it is that you will need help. |
There are many problems with this paragraph. Before I am able to demonstrate the broken flow of ideas in this paragraph, another more pressing problem should be tackled - the improper positioning of the main point at the last sentence of the paragraph. As such, example 14 shows a restructured version of example 13 in order to clearly demonstrate the problem of the broken flow of ideas.
Example 14: Restructured paragraph to demonstrate the broken flow of ideas (shifting the main point to the appropriate position) | |
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Components of 'PEEL' |
Associated sentences |
Point | One of the lessons is that we can learn that in everything we do, we ought to learn to help one another out as you never know when it is that you will need help. |
Elaboration | Countries are seen to be standing side by side one another during terrorist threats and bombings, rendering help and aid to whichever country affected.This not only helps the country to rebuild its fundamental structures but it also aids in other countries to quickly bounce back up economically. |
Example | This can be seen very illustriously from the September 11 attack on the World Trade Centre. Following the attack, the stock market plummeted and the world went into a semi-recession, affecting everyone. |
Link | - |
Critiquing the paragraph - demonstrating the broken flow of ideas. | ||
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Components of 'PEEL' |
Associated sentences | Comments |
Point | One of the lessons that we can learn that in everything we do, we ought to learn to help one another out as you never know when it is that you will need help. | We can see that while it is a very weak main point, it nonetheless answers the question and attempts to link it to the next sentence. [Let’s ignore the flawed reasoning in order to focus on the attempted links between the sentences.] |
Elaboration | Countries are seen to be standing side by side one another during terrorist threats and bombings, rendering help and aid to whichever country affected. This not only helps the country to rebuild its fundamental structures but it also aids in other countries to quickly bounce back up economically. |
The first line of the elaboration links to the second line of the elaboration. [Again, just ignore the flawed reasoning for now.] The problem is that the link is only established halfway. The elaboration links to the first half of the main point - "...in everything we do, we ought to learn to help one another out..." However, there was no attempt to elaborate further and link it to the remaining portion of the main point- “...as you never know when it is that you will need help.” The student has to explain the abrupt and unpredictable nature of terrorism which catches nations by surprise, of which the extent of the damage from terrorist attacks may even exceed the capabilities of a country that was assumed to be able to defend against terrorism unilaterally. |
Example | This can be seen very illustriously from the September 11 attack on the World Trade Centre. Following the attack, the stock market plummeted and the world went into a semi-recession, affecting everyone. |
There is no link between the example and the elaboration. The student,was supposed to demonstrate how the world rallied and extended their aid to,America, a nation perceived to able to employ largely unilateral defence,against the terrorist attacks during the pre-September 11 era. Instead, this example shows how all countries are globalised and,interconnected, of which an event in one country affects other countries. It,does not answer the main point or the question. As such, this example is,irrelevant and weakens the overall paragraph. |
Link | - | - |
Other problems: -Poor expression - Attempts to use bombastic words like 'illustriously' but such words come across as inappropriate and does not improve the content in any way. -Incomplete elaboration - (e.g. What does the student mean by 'fundamental structure'?) -Weak main point |
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COMMON PROBLEM 6: WEAK OR ILLOGICAL
[OF MAIN POINTS, ELABORATIONS AND EXAMPLES]
[OF MAIN POINTS, ELABORATIONS AND EXAMPLES]
I know that some sources treat any writing with reasoning flaws (fallacies) as an illogical piece of writing. However, I would like to differentiate between weak and illogical writing for the sake of clarity.
A weak paragraph provides a main point, elaboration - and/or example - that answers the question. However, the main point and elaboration consist of flaws in logic and reasoning - also known as fallacies - that weakens the students' writing.
An illogical paragraph consists of information that is downright wrong, very little truth in the statement or contains far too many fallacies.
A comprehensive write-up about the different types of fallacies will be available under the section of argumentative writing (available in 2018). As a brief introduction into some of the common fallacies committed by students, I have included critiques of a weak and illogical paragraph in example 15 and 16 respectively.
A weak paragraph provides a main point, elaboration - and/or example - that answers the question. However, the main point and elaboration consist of flaws in logic and reasoning - also known as fallacies - that weakens the students' writing.
An illogical paragraph consists of information that is downright wrong, very little truth in the statement or contains far too many fallacies.
A comprehensive write-up about the different types of fallacies will be available under the section of argumentative writing (available in 2018). As a brief introduction into some of the common fallacies committed by students, I have included critiques of a weak and illogical paragraph in example 15 and 16 respectively.
Example 15: Weak main point and elaboration (partially illogical) |
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Question: What is the disadvantage of having a park in all neighbourhoods? |
Components of 'PEEL' |
Associated sentences | Comments |
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Point | If there is a park in all neighbourhoods, students who wish to skip school will hide in the park. |
This is a supremely weak point. Sure,it is not wrong to say that students who wish to play truant will hide in the park, there are far too many loopholes in this main point. I can also say that a kid who wishes,to run away from home will hide in the park. The same can be said for people,who commit crime, or drug addicts, or … You get the drift. I can also look at this main point from another perspective. Students who play truant can hide in any place that does not have security cameras (or so the student claims). What makes the park so special then? In fact, the park is one of the most public places in a country. It is a shared public space after all. “…students who wish to skip school will hide in the park.” The main point is trying to say that all students will hide in the park if they wish to play truant. That is incorrect. Should the student persists in including the word ‘will’ in the main point (and not change it to a less absolute word like ‘may’), the main point becomes illogical. |
Elaboration | The park does not have security cameras and it will be difficult to track people down. Students who want to skip school will therefore choose to hide in the park. |
How sure is the student to say that,all parks do not have security cameras? This means to say that this argument collapses like a house of cards when the park actually has cameras. "Students who wants to skip school will therefore choose to hide in the park." The assumption again is that ALL students who wish to skip school will hide in parks. Again, this is illogical. |
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Example 16: Downright illogical writing |
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Question: What is the disadvantage of having physical education lessons in Singapore? |
Components of 'PEEL' | Associated sentences | Comments |
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Point | The disadvantage of having physical education lessons is that PE causes teachers to have insufficient time to finish what they are teaching. | This is incorrect. Schools are allocated specific times to teach the subjects. There was a different problem years ago when teachers had to use the PE and Art lessons to compete the syllabus of other subjects, leading to an outcry among the public. That problem has since been largely rectified. |
Elaboration | The teacher rushes through lessons and this will cause student not to fully understand the topic. | |
Example | There was one time the teacher rushed through the science topic and during the common test, I did not know how to do the questions. | This example holds the assumption that the inability to attempt the common test questions is ENTIRELY due to the fault of the teacher who rushed through the syllabus. In addition, however flawed it was, the example made no mention that it was the PE lesson that resulted the teacher rushing the science topic and causing the student to be confused. This shows that there is a missing link between the example and main point. Moreover, it was only that one time that the student rushed through the lesson. It most likely is not representative of the experience among the overall student population. |
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